My Past
by H0llyw00d-Heather
Summary: JD receives a patient that starts bringing up some terrible pieces of his past. What happens when he's forced to deal with both the memories, and the people who helped make them, head on. Long time reader - first time writer. All reviews, comments, and suggestions are welcome.
1. Chapter 1

JD stood at the nurse's station running his hands through his well-styled hair. It was 15 hours into his 16-hour shift and although it wasn't the busiest of nights at the hospital, it certainly wasn't the most calm. First there was the hypochondriac who had his weekly episode. Running every test they needed to in order to just send the guy on his way. Then there were the regular old folks residents who just needed to be taken care of enough to get their temperature down so they could be shipped back to where they belonged. The worst part though was the construction worker. By the time he'd arrived, there'd been very little chance the hospital could save him. He'd tried everything he could, but sometimes there was just nothing left.

As the memories of the night faded away, he finalized the remaining paperwork, folded the clipboard, and filed it away. He'd become a doctor to save lives and help people, but on nights like tonight he didn't really feel like he was making much of a difference.

"Clarabel!"

JD turned around, startled out of his tired state, and saw Dr. Cox aggressively walking towards him. Already having made eye contact, it was too late to walk away as though he didn't hear him. Suppressing a groan that only his inner thoughts could now hear, he tried to allow himself to smile and appear less tired.

"Per-Bear. Wonderful night isn't it?"

Dr. Cox scowled in his usual way. Not having been able to finish his nap in the on call room was really messing with his already bad attitude.

"Now Jasmine. I'm going to ignore that little comment of yours and blame your bad judgment on the fact your brain can only do one job at a time. And seeing as you're at work, I'd like to think that's your first priority. But keep in mind that when speaking to me, I become your first priority. And keep those girl friend nicknames to yourself."

Holding back and eye roll, JD just repeated _only one more hour_ in his brain. Then he could go back to the apartment, turn on Gilmore Girls, and hopefully retire into his bed dreaming of…

Dr. Cox snapped his fingers.

"Can you stay out of dreamland Anna? We only have one more hour in this god-forsaken place and then I can finally watch the basketball game before someone around here ruins the score for me. And in order for us to both get out of here, this is now for you."

"JD grabbed the patient chart as it was thrust into his chest. _Great, just what I need. Another patient. _Flipping it open he instantly regretted this whole moment. Joshua Carter, age 11, suspected child abuse. Those were the worst cases. Except maybe cancer, or terminal illness in toddlers, or…  
Dr. Cox snapped his fingers again.

"God. Can anyone in this place even pretend to be a doctor? Of all the incompetent people I had to get stuck with on this shift it had to be Newbie."

He didn't hear the rest as Dr. Cox stormed away with other charts in his hands. His eyes grazing over the patient chart he now held, he sighed. Looking at his watch, there was under an hour left now. Time to get this over with and see what information he could get from Joshua alone, before the tougher task of moving onto the parents.

* * *

Turk and Carla sat snuggled up and comfortable on the sofa. As Carla watched Turk's eyes start to close, she turned off the tv ready to head for bed. Turks eyes immediately shot open.

"Carla, baby, I know you're tired. But can I please stay up another hour so I can see JD when he gets home? We've been on opposite shifts all week and I miss my vanilla bear."

Carla rolled her eyes and got up off the sofa.

"Turk, sometimes I feel as though you and JD are in the relationship and I'm the third wheel. Could I have married into a weirder relationship?"

Her bare feet padded across the floor to the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Turning off the light and getting into bed, she couldn't help but smile. Her man may be connected at the leg to his best friend, but she loved him anyway. Quite frankly, she loved them both.

* * *

JD settled down in the chair next to Joshua's bedside. He found in most cases like this, the less the patient viewed him as an authority figure, the more he could usually get out of them. Propping on foot onto his opposite knee and clearing his throat of any tiredness, he jumped into the all too familiar questionnaire.

"So. Joshua. How are you feeling? I can have the nurses bring something for you if you want?"

Joshua looked up. JD hadn't noticed before, but it was obvious now that the boy had been crying. The dark circles under his eyes clearly meant more than just a punch in the face. The kid looked too jittery to be tired, but all the signs of exhaustion were there. Assuming it was fear that was keeping Joshua awake, JD continued.

"You know Josh, if someone's hurting you, you can tell us. We won't make you go back there. We'll find somewhere else for you to be."

"No!" Joshua quietly yelled. "No one's hurting me – didn't my parents tell you already once before? I was snowboarding. I'm not really very good at it yet. I made a lot of mistakes."

JD signed. He knew Joshua was lying He was all too familiar with situations like these. Kids who were more scared of people finding out, than they were of the consequences at home. Not wanting to push Joshua too hard yet, he flipped open his chart again. By the extent of his injuries he'd be here awhile. Sometimes the best plan was to get to know the kid, let them learn to trust you. He might not be the best doctor in this hospital, Dr. Cox would be sure to take the award for himself. But he didn't pride himself on his bedside manner.

"So, snowboarding…" JD paused as he shifted both feet to the floor. "Who's your favorite?"

Joshua's eyes perked up. People here were no longer questioning him. A slight smile showed on his face and to the untrained eye it might seem like he was excited to talk. Neither Joshua nor JD was blind though – they were both playing each other. JD may be familiar with this situation, but sadly so was Joshua.

"I don't really have a favorite." Joshua spoke, with just a hint of enthusiasm to his voice. "But recently while we were on vacation I got to meet Shaun White and it was probably the best moment of my life…"

JD wasn't really listening to Joshua continue. He could tell he wasn't going to get anywhere today. His eyes casually went back and forth between Joshua's moving lips, and his chart. _Broken arm in 2 places, bruising on his face and ribs, and a few cuts on his back. Not to mention the previous injuries on file. _Pondering internally about how to proceed, he looked back up at the young boy. Lips still moving, seemingly more animated than before. Whatever he was saying clearly had him very excited.

JD hated this. Sure he wanted to help people, but how do you help people who don't want help? Memories playing back to him of previous incidences, he knew he had to get out of there before he spoke to roughly at the kid. Potentially cutting any of the trust he'd just gained. Looking at his watch, he realized there was enough time in his shift to let the hospital staff know his assumption and he'd deal with everything else tomorrow. Standing up to shake the tiredness from his legs, he spoke up. Cutting off Joshua's tale of the best rides during the Shaun White vacation.

"Sorry Joshua, but I've just got to check in on another couple patients before I go home. The nurses will take great care of you while I'm not here. But I'll let you in on a little secret." JD lowered his voice and leaned in over Joshua's bed. "Because you're a kid, if you're nice to them, they'll bring you extra dessert."

JD watched as Joshua's eyes danced with excitement with the possibility of getting extra cake.

"I'll be back in the morning." He said as Joshua yawned. "Try to get some sleep while I'm gone."

Stepping away from the bed, he hung the kids chart up by the door. Dimming the lights, he forced his tired body to make its way to Kelso's office so he could let him know.

* * *

"Shouldn't you be clocked out Dr. Dorian?" JD turned around as he heard Kelso yell down the hall.

"I'm about to sir, but I needed to see you. I have a suspected child case. Room 221. I just wanted to let you know before I left."

Kelso's face dropped ever so slightly. No matter how many years he'd been there, it never made those cases any easier.

"Any admissions to anything?"

"I said suspected didn't I? So that answer would be no." JD replied with more attitude then was necessary.

Seeing Kelso's eyes narrow, he immediately regretted his choice words. "I'm sorry sir. I just meant no. The kid wouldn't tell me anything and I have yet to see the parents."

Kelso's eyes softened looking at JD with a bit of concern. He could tell the kid was having a hard night and against his usual nature, just decided to let it go.

"Go home and get some sleep Dorian". He started to walk away. "I'll let the night nurses know to keep an eye out. See you in the morning."

JD watched Kelso turned the corner and gave a loud sigh. _Finally. _The shift was over and he could go home. Forcing his body to take him to the locker room, his mind started to wander. Tilting his head to the side he imagined how much easier it would be if he could just float there. Instead of using the last bit of energy he had just to get dressed into his street clothes.

Not really paying attention, he slammed into Dr. Cox as they both tried to enter the locker room at the same time.

"Newbie I swear to god if you don't keep your hands off me I'm going to cut them off." Dr. Cox growled.

JD quickly backed away and let Dr. Cox in first, too tired to come up with any sort of remark. _Just a couple more minutes and you'll be out that door._


	2. Chapter 2

The ride back to his apartment was pretty uneventful. Sometimes he's surprised he can even ride his scooter 'Sasha' home when he's this tired. But nothing helps him to clear his mind more than the wind blowing across his face and the radio. Even in the winter. At least the roads were quiet, he could think without being bothered.

As he rode the elevator up to his floor in the building, his mind wondered back to Joshua. _If only he'd just tell me the truth, then I could seriously help him. Maybe he just needs a friend. _The motion of the doors opening broke him from his thoughts and he stepped out. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, his body taking out his key and walking towards the door automatically simply out of habit. JD smiled when he opened the door and Turk was awake to greet him.

"Vanilla Bear!" he yelled. Then realizing his mistake and not wanting to wake Carla, he lowered his voice. "How was your shift? Any hot new patients we can look forward to seeing around?"

JD laughed. "If you want to say 70 year old Mrs. Hunter is hot, then by all means. But I'm going to leave that to you."

Turk made a face that somehow displayed both intrigue and disgust at the same time. "Sounds like a rough night."

As JD grabbed the cereal and poured himself a bowl he replied "It wasn't terrible, but I'd so much rather get stuck on these long shifts with you and Carla instead of Doctor Cox." Pouring some milk into the bowl and eating a spoonful he continued. "How'd the two of you get the same day off any way?"

"I'm not sure, and I don't want to know." He started to say as he got up off the sofa. "But we both work earlier than you do in the morning so I'm going to shut this sexy body down for awhile."

"You know it!" Came JD's reply through another mouthful of cereal. He watched Turk make his way to the bedroom and before closing the door heard him say "Night JD".

As he finished his cereal he thought about how he could have told Turk the truth. That it was a pretty awful night, but he was tired. And even though Turk had stayed up to say hi, JD knew he was exhausted too. Getting up from the table he put his bowl in the sink. And even though Carla would be upset about it, he just didn't have the energy to wash it. Sleep was taking over and he only got as far as taking off his shirt before he flopped down on his bed and fell asleep. Door closed and jeans still on, it was a good thing he set his alarm before he left for work.

* * *

It wasn't long before he felt awake again. Somehow he was at work, but he couldn't really remember how he'd gotten there. Rubbing his hands through his hair, he decided he would check on Joshua first. Making his way to the children's wing, he planned a conversation. A little more direct this time he thought. _If the kid doesn't tell me now, he's only going to end up coming back here, unless they take him to a different hospital next time._ Not entirely uncommon in situations like these. The parents don't want anyone getting too suspicious. So they move their kid around. Hoping hospital records will get lost in the process.

As he rounded the corner to Joshua's room, panic started setting in. He could see Joshua's parents in his room. They were hurting him. He knew it. He could hear Joshua screaming for someone to help him. _Why is no one doing anything?_ He raced to his room, faster than he could ever remember running. The door was locked and as he pounded so hard on the glass, he looked around. _Where is everybody? Where's Janitor when I need him?_ His eyes filled with tears as Joshua screamed in agony. JD's fists and shoulders started to ache as he struck the door harder and harder to no avail. His body and mind on the brink of a total meltdown, he looked through the glass one more time, and saw the kid in the bed wasn't Joshua at all. He was looking at a younger version of himself. JD stopping hitting the door and just stood in stunned silence. _What the hell?_

* * *

JD woke up in a panic. His hair matted with sweat. The blankets he'd fallen asleep on top of were now rumpled all around him. His body filled with aches that simply told him he'd tensed up all his muscles while he was sleeping. Trying to get his breathing back under control, he thought about what just happened. It'd been years since he'd had a nightmare that aggressive. Not since he'd left home for med school. The clock showing it'd only been a few hours, he sighed roughly. Spending the next 4 hours laying in bed, listening to Turk and Carla get ready to go to work and leave, before he finally got up and showered. This was not the way he wanted to start his day.

* * *

Grabbing a cup of sludge, otherwise known as what the nurses liked to call 'coffee', Dr. Cox took a sip. Scowling at the bitter taste of whatever this was supposed to be, this was not how he wanted to start his day. He'd been paged by his interns 3 times during the night, and probably made all 3 of them cry. It was like this place couldn't run without him. Grabbing his charts off the counter he turned around abruptly knocking some poor sap over in the process.

Dr. Cox glanced down to see JD, who was now laying in a heap on the floor in his way. Taking in the dark circles under his eyes and his hair not quite styled to its normal perfection, he spoke up. "Now Betty, I thought a girl like you would know it's not best to go out on a school night. That really isn't going to make the boys like you anymore. A girl like you clearly needs her beauty rest. And sleeping around with all the other boys in town just doesn't count."

JD sighed as he watched Dr. Cox walk away. Closing his eyes for just a moment, he opened them again to see Elliot standing over him.

"Oh my gosh, JD are you okay?" Bending down to help him pick up some of the charts he'd dropped in the process. "Did you sleep okay? You do look sort of awful." A look of concern in her eyes, she stood and lent a hand to help him up.

JD grabbed her hand and stood. "I'm fine Elliot. I just didn't sleep very well. I have a lot on my mind." Seeing her start to open her mouth. "No. It's not about a girl. And no. I don't really want to talk about it."

Elliot took in his short-tempered response. Even though she wanted to inquire more, she decided against it. Locking eye contact just for a moment before JD looked away she saw something in JD's eyes that said he was lying. She didn't want him to feel like he couldn't talk to her._ We might not be together anymore, but I still care for him_. "Alright, but I'm around if you need me." She replied as she walked away towards her patient's rooms.

_Could today get any worse? It's barely even started. _JD pulled all his charts into his arms and debated on whom he wanted to deal with first. Although he knew he should deal with Joshua first, he just couldn't get last night's dream out of his mind.

* * *

It was at least a couple hours into his shift before he knocked on Joshua's door. Forcing Josh to break eye contact from his Gameboy. JD walked in, sitting down in the chair again.

"Did you get any sleep last night Josh?" JD could tell both their faces probably looked similar. Etched with the lines of tiredness that lack of sleep brought. He shifted slightly in his chair, not wanting anyone else to see the similarities. "I still haven't been able to find your parents around. Did they go home for a while? I'd like to talk to them about how long you'll be here for."

Joshua stopped playing his game and looked up at JD. A slight narrowing of his eyes evident as he prepared to take a defensive attitude. "I told you the truth. I was snowboarding. There isn't really a need to talk to them."

Now JD knew the kid was lying. Most 11 year olds were not up to playing games. They wanted their parents around. They'd cry and miss them when they weren't here. Joshua immediately took their side. Defending them from any obligation that they had to be here with him.

JD got back up and closed the door. Opting this time to take a seat on the side of the bed. As Joshua shuffled his legs over to give JD a bit more room to sit down.

"Josh. I know what you're trying to do here." He put his chart down on the chair so his hands would be free. "But you really have to tell me if they're hurting you. I can't do anything to help you, if you don't give me any sort of information." He looked directly at Joshua as he spoke next. "You and I both know you can't keep letting them do this to you. Don't you?"

Joshua didn't say anything. Letting his eye-line float from looking directing at JD down to the blankets, his fingers fiddling with the edges of the sheet.

JD sighed. The direct route wasn't really getting him anywhere either. "You know Josh." JD stood and paced to the end of the bed and back. Putting his hands in his scrub pockets, not really knowing what else to do with them. "A lot of kids sometimes have a hard time telling grown ups things. But I want you to know me, and everyone at this hospital, we're here to help you okay?" JD lifted the chart from the chair and sat back down. Josh wasn't looking at him anymore. _Indirect approach and direct, clearly not working. Maybe an example approach will get better results? _

* * *

As Doctor Cox made his way down the hall, interns literally hiding and getting out the way before they were made an example of, he took a look around. Spotting JD through the glass window he paused. Both the kid and JD looked pretty terrible. He assumed the conversation wasn't going well purely based on both their faces. He thought he'd give them another minute before knocking and pulling JD out. He knew what JD was trying to do. He'd heard the gossip from other nurses about keeping an eye on this room. But sometimes you just have to give it more time. As much as he might like everyone to think he hated everyone, and he did. There was a piece of him that knew a good doctor when he saw one. JD was one. And he wasn't going to let him screw it up.

* * *

"You see Josh." JD spoke from the chair. "I remember this kid, he was a bit older than you…."

JD was interrupted him a loud whistle coming from the doorway.

"Newbie. Come." Dr. Cox spoke.

JD grabbed his chart and gave Joshua's hair a little ruffle. "You just remember what I said okay? Let me know if you need anything."

Josh never looked up and just went back to his Gameboy. JD wanted to think what he said was working in, but he couldn't be sure. Placing his chart back by the door, he closed it on his way out. Dr. Cox basically pulling him by his shirt around the corner where the kid couldn't see.


	3. Chapter 3

"What do you think you're doing?" JD spoke up. "I'm trying to help someone and you do what? Tear me out of there? How is that helping anyone?"

Dr. Cox gave JD a once over. Sure he'd seen the kid get worked up over patients who died. His attention to his patients was something Cox himself wasn't going to do, but at least someone did it. However, the kid seemed too worked up over the lies Joshua was telling. "Lets take a walk Cindy." Letting go of JD's shirt. "You hungry?"

JD stared at Dr. Cox stunned that he'd even ask to go for lunch. Cox had been JD's hero and mentor since he started here. He knew under that ego and cold attitude there was someone who cared about other people. And maybe he didn't want people to know that, but even if they thought he was a jerk, that had to give credit where credit was due. He was a damn good doctor.

Dr. Cox looked at JD sort of puzzled. Waving his hand in front of JD's face, he spoke up. "Seriously. You look like garbage. Come get a coffee." He started walking away knowing JD would follow.

* * *

Once they were seated across from each other at a small table, which was somewhat secluded from the rest of the cafeteria, Dr. Cox spoke again. "So the kid is lying. We both know it. But we both know that unless he gives us something to go on, there's nothing we can do but to release him when his time is up."

JD rolled his eyes while taking a sip of his coffee.

"You know that right? No one likes situations like these. I knew what I was giving you when I gave you that chart. Maybe I should take it back. Maybe you're not ready to do this one alone yet."

As JD listened to Dr. Cox speak it was like he was taking on Joshua's defensive behavior. Slamming one of his palms on the tabletop he spoke in a voice that Dr. Cox practically had to strain to hear. "You're not taking him." Clearing his throat, trying not to let his anger get the best of him. "I can handle this and I can do it without your help. I've handled it before this, and I can certainly handle it again."

Dr. Cox leaned back in his chair and looked at JD confused. He couldn't remember giving him a case like this previously. JD didn't know it, but Dr. Cox looked over all of his cases and reports. Not because he didn't trust him, but because he wanted to make sure he was doing his best work.

Realizing what he had just said, JD stood from the table. Making direct eye contact with Cox he snapped. "Just stay out of it. I can manage this on my own. " He started to walk away, but without missing a beat turned around to say "And if I need your help, I'll ask for it."

Practically storming away, causing a little bit of a scene like the dramatic girl he was, JD was gone. Leaving Dr. Cox staring at an empty chair. _Well, so much for that. _

"Hey JD. Want to sit and…"

"I have to go. Sorry."

Carla watched him storm out of the cafeteria doors, throwing his coffee in the garbage on the way. Looking towards the direction from which he came from, she saw Dr. Cox who appeared to be thinking hard about something. Carrying her lunch tray, she headed for his table and sat down. Forking a piece of her salad, she started her motherly inquiry.

"What was that about" She asked while taking a mouthful of her lunch.

Dr. Cox hadn't truly seen her sit down. She was one of the only people in this joint he could stand. Not to mention, the only person at all who could hold her own against his narcissistic gruffness. She had a way with him; he'd give her that.

"Oh nothing. Pamela just didn't get asked to prom and is just devastated. She's of course upset that I wouldn't take her, but you know me, I'm more of a solo guy. Want to keep my options open."

Carla swallowed. "Don't give me that bull." Her fork stabbing the lettuce at random "I don't know what your problem with Bambi is, but it'd be great if you could just stop hurting his feelings. You know all he wants is your approval. Why can't you just play nice?"

Dr. Cox raised an eyebrow. He didn't need to tell Carla why he didn't play nice. She'd been here just as long as him. They'd dated in the past, years ago, and although he couldn't for the life of him see what she saw in Gandhi, he had to respect her decision.

He scratched his face; years of working in a stressful environment evident in his facial features. "He's taking room 221 to heart. You and I both know that without that kid telling the truth. There's nothing we can do. I know we're here to help people, but we can't help people who don't want it. That kid doesn't want it. End of story."

Carla didn't take another bite and just put her fork down. "I know and you know that you care about Bambi who just walked out those doors. I know you're trying to protect him from this, but he has to learn. We're not always on the winning side."

Finishing up his coffee, Dr. Cox stood. _Caring. Do people think I'm doing this because I care about people? _"I'm taking this one away from him. He's too young. He hasn't been doing this long enough. Someone else is going to have to talk to Joshua and I've been here longer. JD had his chances, and I'm not one for letting children slide through the cracks. Next time you see him, you let him know."

"No way. I'm not telling him. You want to start this with him. You deal with it. I'm not being the bad guy here." Carla's eyes started getting angry, her eyebrows narrowing forcing Dr. Cox to look directly at her. "He's sensitive sure, but you know he can do this. You can't protect him forever."

Dr. Cox growled at her, even though Carla wasn't afraid of him anymore. She wasn't like the rest of the staff who tried to stay out of his way. Aside from her and Newbie, who followed him around like a lost puppy, he'd pretty much managed to make sure that no one else spoke to him unless they had to. He had to get out of here before she kept talking about feelings. He'd walk himself right up to room 221 and take over. He didn't even have to tell JD first. He was higher in seniority, if he felt it was the right decision, there was nothing JD could do.

Crumpling his coffee cup he tossed it into the garbage a couple tables away. Sinking it in, a smile crept to his face. He still had it.

* * *

As Dr. Cox got off the elevator all he could hear was yelling. _Newbie?_ Turning the corner what he saw sort of shocked him. The normally happy JD was out right hollering at one of the afternoon nurses. He quickened his pace to a light jog, hoping he could stop JD from getting into any more trouble.

"What do you mean he isn't here anymore? I hadn't even had a chance to speak with his parents yet? They can't just take him without us knowing where they were going?" JD was breaking down. Desperately hoping there was a chance they hadn't left yet. "I need to know where they went. How long ago did they come take him? I wasn't even gone that long? Why did no one page me?"

The nurse was apologizing profusely. She hadn't realized the intensity of the situation. _New people. There's always so many of them to keep track of. _"I'm sorry Dr. Dorian. I didn't know. They signed him out. We told them it was against medical advice. Joshua hadn't even started his physio yet for his arm. There was nothing we could do."

Dr. Cox sucked in a breath. _Against medical advice, that's never a good sign. _Forcing himself to take control of the situation he grabbed JD by the shoulders and pushed him into a now empty room 221 closing the door behind him. Essentially dismissing the now crying nurse without actually speaking to her.

"Let go of me! I need to know how long ago they took him. I know if I just had a bit more time with him, he would've told me."

"Newbie sit." He pushed JD into the chair to sit down, while he sat on the bed. _Why was he taking this so hard? _Dr. Cox let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. Looking around the room you wouldn't have even known there was anyone in here. Everything had been cleared out, and was ready for someone new to take his or her place here. As unfortunate as it was, it wouldn't be long.

JD sniffled breaking Dr. Cox from his inward thought. _Was he crying? _"Newbie seriously, I told you this was one you were just going to have to let go." Pausing, hoping JD would look at him. When he didn't, he continued any way. "We see people come in and out of here all the time for this stuff. Sometimes you've just got to let it go."

"He'll have to come back to get his cast off. Maybe I can talk to him then?" JD replied. Obviously still thinking that he could save the situation. He started to stand up.

Dr. Cox pushed him back down. "Sit." Waiting this time for JD to look up at him, he continued. "You know they can get that done anywhere. We both know they don't have to come back here. And the odds of them coming here are less than Jessica Alba being my wife." Dr. Cox sighed. He wasn't one to ask questions. He didn't want to know anything about people's personal lives. Or problems. _But once it starts to affect your work… _"Now will you please take a break for a minute and just tell me what's going on that's got you so riled up about this?"

JD looked up. As much as he wanted to tell him what he was really thinking, it wasn't worth bringing up the past. He'd just have to let this go. _Let it go _he thought. _Is it really that simple? _Taking a breath, he was determined to manage some sort of response.

Dr. Cox watched, as JD was about to speak, when suddenly a phone ringing interrupted them. JD seemed surprised as he apologized. "I'm sorry, I thought I had remembered to put it in my locker this morning."

Flipping it open, he quizzically stared at the caller ID before accepting the call.

"Hi Dan."


	4. Chapter 4

"Hi Dan."

"Hey little brother!"

JD opened his mouth to speak. Now wasn't exactly a good time.

"Listen, I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time…"

_Bingo. _He thought.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm in town…"

JD squinted his eyes. Trying to remember the last time he'd seen his brother. It'd been years. It might be nice to see him, especially right now, but it wasn't like his brother to just pop by. _There has to be some sort of catch._ He turned his head, as if forcing other thoughts to another part of his brain.

"I just thought it might be nice to finally see you. It's been a long time. I haven't really gotten a good chance to see you since you left for Med School. And that was before I knew about all the stuff with mom…"

JD quickly interrupted him. "Did someone die Dan? Is that why you want to see me? Is there something wrong with you?"

Dr. Cox glanced up. He would've told the kid to put the phone down already, but something about JD looked so disheveled. His movements weren't fluid and it was almost like his eyes were searching for answers that were supposed to come out of thin air. The tired bags under his eyes had only gotten worse since he'd bumped into him earlier in the shift. It might be best to just give him a minute. Let him cool down.

But hearing him ask if someone had died pulled him from his observation state. His ears strained and eyes stared calmly trying to gather information.

"No. No one died. Can't a guy just come to town to see his brother?"

_No. Dan couldn't have just wanted to come see me. There has to be something more. _JD stood and started slowly pacing the room.

"Dan. I know what you're trying to do here. I'm not a little kid anymore. You don't have to protect me." _Not that he was ever very good at that in the first place. _"Can you please just be honest with me and tell me what's up?"

He could hear Dan sigh through the phone. "I'm sorry JD."

"Sorry for what?" Pausing midstride. "What are you sorry for Dan?"

Dr. Cox stood. _Maybe it'd be best to give him some time alone._ Being there for people wasn't exactly a strong suit. In all honesty, it wasn't a trait he held at all. Being sensitive. Holding people's hands. It's hard enough having to deal with patients and their personal problems, not to mention the other people in his life. Deciding he wanted nothing more than to sidestep this whole, 'rub your back while I tell you it's going to be fine moment' he stood up from his position on the bed.

JD wasn't sure what impulse it was that made him take his next action. But once he saw Dr. Cox stand to leave, his body took 2 large steps towards him, took him by the shoulder, and pushed him back down. Between trying to listen to Dan's next words, and remembering the fact he had just yelled at that poor nurse. _Did I make her cry?_ He stunned himself by the action, and before Dr. Cox could yell at him for touching him, he turned away. He didn't want to start yet another argument today.

Dr. Cox just stared at him. Not scowling. Not angered. Just stared. This wasn't right. Since when did he take orders from someone else? Not sure what it meant, he sat back down.

"JD. Listen. I meant to call you earlier but I had a hard time trying to figure out what I was going to do."

"Dan. Please. Just tell me." JD sat back down. Tears began to form in his eyes from all the scenarios playing in his head.

"Look. I came because I was trying to get here before Mom and…Duncan." Desperately trying to figure out how to phrase his next sentence. "Duncan sent mom on this guilt trip. Convinced her that she should see her son. I don't know what they're planning. And they don't know I came. They don't know I'm here. But JD…I couldn't let you face them alone. Not again."

JD pulled the phone from his ear, and looked up at Dr. Cox with a face that was filled with void of all emotion. _Was Dan still talking? _It didn't matter. He was done listening. With the remaining energy he could muster he lowered the phone to his lap and ended the call. Turning off his phone he put it back into his pocket.

"I'm going to go put this in my locker." JD stood and mindlessly left the room. He opened the door no more than necessary and closed it on his way out. Trying to create distance between himself and Dr. Cox.

Dr. Cox stood. Tilting his head slightly to digest everything that just happened. _What the hell? _

* * *

"JD. Buddy. Are you there?" Dan looked concerned. He stood in front of JD's apartment door, a large duffle bag lay by his feet. His hair was a mess and it looked like he'd just been running. It's not like he was in bad physical shape, but this situation was different. His mind was working overdrive. Whatever their plan was. Whatever reason they were traveling miles to see JD couldn't be good. JD had left for good reasons. He wasn't about to have him move even further away without a fight. And although he'd never really been there for him in the past, he could do it now. He had to.

He picked up his duffle bag and regretted packing so much of his stuff. But at the time he wasn't sure when he'd be heading back home. Taking the keys for the car he'd rented back out of his pocket, he headed out. Someone would be able to tell him how to get to Sacred Heart. It couldn't be that far. JD had to do the drive on his scooter. He'd already driven all this way to make sure JD was all right. What's another hour?

* * *

Closing his locker JD sat down. _What's wrong with me? Why can't you just let this go?_

"Hey Pricilla." Dr. Cox let the door close behind him.

JD turned to face him without ever making eye contact.

"Go home. I think you're done for the day."

"My shift isn't over for another…" He looked at his watch. "5 hours."

"I said you're done. Go home. I don't need you here today making people cry." _Why on earth did I say that? Carla's right. Why can't I just give him a break? _

"I'm not leaving. I can do my job." JD stood. Hesitating about walking towards the door.

"Listen. You look like crap. You clearly have some personal issues going on that you need to take care of. And you basically lost a patient." Dr. Cox cleared his throat waiting for JD to look up at him. Once he got eye contact he continued. "I checked your charts. You don't have that many. Nothing the nimrod pathetic interns we have in this awful place can't handle. Go home."

"But Dr. Kelso…"

Dr. Cox rolled his eyes. "I'll deal with it. Just go home. I'll see you tomorrow." He turned around and walked out. _There. I did him a favor, that's as nice as I can be. _

On any other day, JD would've been ecstatic that Dr. Cox was finally a treating him like a friend. That he was actually giving him what appeared to be some sort of respect? Tears came to his eyes. _Not now JD. Just go home before they change their minds._ Throwing on his regular t-shirt, and not even bothering to change out of his remaining scrubs. He packed everything into his backpack, and quickly took off.

* * *

He'd gotten directions. He'd gotten to Sacred Heart. Now he just needed to get out of the car. _What if I bump into him?_ He shook his head. _That was stupid. You're here to see him. Just get out of the car. _A heavy sigh with his hands on the steering wheel, mind gathering courage, he opened the door and took his first steps out. First stop, finding Chris. He'd look for JD after. He just couldn't face him yet.

* * *

Turk leaned over the nurse's station "Gimmie some sugar woman." Giving Carla a kiss.

"Now Turk. I love you. But if you refer to me as your woman one more time."

"You'll feed me to the wolves. I know." Leaning back to his side of the counter getting back is field of vision behind her. He spotted someone he hadn't seen in a long time.

"Dan?"

"Chris! Just the person I was trying to find."

"What are you doing here? Does JD know you're in town?"

"Yeah. He knows I'm here. I'm looking for him." Dan looked around to see if JD was nearby. "Listen. Could I maybe borrow your keys? I wanted to wait for him inside the apartment. It's a little awkward waiting in your hallway."

"Yeah. Of course! I'll just have to get them from my locker." Turk started to walk away. "Here for any special occasion?"

Carla watched them walk away with an eye of suspicion. She jumped up as someone touched her shoulder.

"Dr. Cox. Can I help you?"

He didn't look at her and kept watching Turk walk away with someone. Based on the hair and eye color he could only imagine that it was the elusive Dan. Though he'd never met him he couldn't count the number of times JD had mentioned him from past stories. "Who's the skinny girl walking away with your boyfriend?"

"I think you know who that is." Her eyes followed her husband down the hall. "The question is, why is he here?" She turned to face Dr. Cox. "Where is JD any way? He normally follows you around like a lost stray."

"I sent him home. He shouldn't be here today."

* * *

"Hey Dan. Did you hear me? Are you here for any special occasion?"

"Umm, well. No. Not really." Dan shifted his eyes to another part of the hallway. _Did JD tell anyone here?_


	5. Chapter 5

_How do I say this without disappointing JD? _Dan thought.

Turk eyed Dan as he held the door open for him to go in first. Not a lot of words had been said as they walked down the hall towards the locker room. He was starting to get worried. _If JD knew Dan was coming, wouldn't he have told me? _Turk let the door close behind him with a loud thump. He wasn't about to let bad things happen to JD alone.

Turk walked to his locker and started entering the combination. Opening his mouth to say something, he paused, and then closed it again. He was sure his face displayed both obvious confusion and shock. He tried to remember how long it'd been since he'd seen Dan. _Had he been there for their graduation from Med School? _Sure he'd seen him in pictures. There was that one specific one of JD, Dan, and their dad that JD currently had hanging in his room. But they were kids. Opening his locker he grabbed his keys out of his backpack and held them in his hand.

"I'm going to ask you again Dan. Why are you here?" Turk really just needed to know. He needed to know what JD was walking into. What he was going to see when he got home to the apartment. He looked straight at Dan and waited for his answer.

Dan looked at Turk with what he hoped looked like a pleading face. He didn't want to have to tell Turk. He didn't want to be the one to tell JD's friends these things. "I just...Can't a guy drive 3 states over and just to stop by and say hello?"

Turk looked at Dan suspiciously. The guy truly looked pathetic. He looked tired and just a mess. He looked about as bad as JD did the last couple days. Maybe there was something going on he didn't know about. Maybe it was best JD had his family around. God knows he didn't see them very often.

"Fine." He handed the keys over to Dan. "But Dan. If you need my help with anything, call me. Okay?"

Dan grabbed the keys. "Sure thing Chris." He turned around quickly to head out the door and back to the apartment. As he opened the door he turned to Turk and saw him packing everything back into his locker. "If you see JD around here, have him call me okay? I wanted to look for him first, but I think it's best I talk to him at home." And with that, he left Sacred Heart. The last thing he wanted right now was to bump into JD here.

* * *

JD walked into his apartment and threw his stuff by the front door. He barely got his shoes off in time before he practically collapsed onto the couch and closed his eyes. _Stop doing this to yourself. _He shook his head. _It's been a long time. They don't even know where you live, or work! How would they even find you? _

* * *

Turk stepped out into the hall only to find Carla standing by the doorway, strangely with Dr. Cox in tow behind her. "Have either of you seen JD?" He asked.

"Dr. Cox sent him home a little awhile ago." Quickly trying to come up with some sort of excuse. "He wasn't feeling well." Carla took his hand into hers. "You want to tell me why JD's brother drove all this way?"

Turk looked at Carla, and then looked at Dr. Cox. He felt weird talking about personal things with him nearby. _He hates JD, and everyone. Why is he even here?_ "Dan didn't want to tell me. He's going to meet JD at the apartment." Turk grabbed his pager as it beeped. "That's all I know." He read the message. "I got to go." He kissed Carla goodbye and eyed Dr. Cox suspiciously as he took off down the hall.

* * *

He thought his eyes had only been closed a minute but in his distress from the last couple days he must've worn himself out. JD woke up when he heard keys jingling through the doorway. He looked at his watch. _Turk can't be home yet. Maybe Carla? _He looked over the top of the couch towards the door, and blew out a breath he didn't even know he was holding when he saw a duffel bag and Dan walk through the door.

Dan looked up and saw JD. _He does look like crap._ "Listen. JD. I know you don't exactly want to see me right now, but…"

"It's never been you I didn't want to see." JD muttered as a reply.

"What was that?" Dan asked politely. Although he'd heard what JD had said, he just wanted to be sure.

"Nothing." He got up off the couch. "Let me help you with your bag. You can stay in my room if you want." JD picked up his bag off the floor. As heavy as it was he could tell Dan was going to be here awhile.

"You know why I'm here little brother, can't we just talk about this?"

JD threw the bag into his room and closed the door. "No. We can't." He headed for the bathroom. He didn't care if it was childish; he was in no mood for confrontation.

"Seriously! This is how you're going to handle this?" Dan sat down on the floor in front of the bathroom door. "I have no where to be. I took time off work to do this for you. I can wait you out." Dan pushed his legs out, pushing the soles of his feet into the carpet.

* * *

JD turned the taps on and splashed some water onto his face. _Maybe if I use enough cold water, it'll take some of this tiredness away._ He looked up into the mirror. The face staring back at him looked tired. Distressed. Nothing like his usual self. He looked a couple years older than he actually was.

Turning around to the towel rack he dried off his face and hands. _How could this possibly be happening? I've turned everything around. I'm a different person now. I'm not going back to this again._ A look of cold hard determination crossed his face. Refusal to return back to his old life.

Opening the bathroom door he nearly tripped over a sitting Dan. "I need to take a walk Dan! I can't deal with this right now." He shoved his shoes onto his feet. "I need to think." He opened the front door. "Just. Give me some space alright!"

Dan watched his brother leave. He saw the door slam behind him. He couldn't let him leave like this. He couldn't let JD be alone right now. He'd left him alone so many times before. The guilt he carried everyday, even though JD didn't know, was basically killing him inside. _He's still your little brother. _Dan took a large sigh and let everything out. On the brink of a total breakdown, he couldn't just stand there and wait for JD to get back. He had to follow him. Grabbing Turk's keys and the rental keys, he wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands. Trying to keep any sort of emotions at bay, as he once again headed back to the car.

* * *

JD tore down the street. He was basically running. He could've taken his scooter but in his hasty exit he didn't bring anything. No keys. No wallet. Not even his phone. But what was he running from? He didn't even know anymore. _Dan's your brother. He didn't do any of those things to you. He didn't make you move. He didn't force you out of his life. He's trying to protect you. So why are you pushing him away? _JD stopped running and returned to a slow walk. _He's trying to protect you._ JD repeated it again and again until he got things under control. _Stop treating him like he's part of the problem. He isn't. _He stopped walking and sat down on what appeared to be a rather old bus stop bench. He looked around. He'd clearly run pretty fast as he was already a few blocks away. _Maybe I should head back? _Then a thought occurred to him and he started to panic. _I'm out in the open here. They might not know where I live, but they know what I look like. _JD stood up eager to hide inside somewhere. _I have to get out of here. _Then out of the corner of his eye he saw a car he didn't recognize pull up beside him. He didn't even look to see who it was and just started walking away. Pulling up his hood to keep his face hidden he walked in the opposite direction and darted down a side street.

* * *

_What is he doing? _Dan put the car in park. He had a small shot of finding him, but he'd done it. He may not be familiar with the area, but he certainly knew while looking at streets which ones would be the most likely that JD would head down. His brother had a certain charm about him that most people wouldn't get right away. But Dan understood him. He quickly jumped out of the car and followed him down the side street. Wrapping his arms around his little brother he forced him to turn around and look at him.

JD couldn't breathe. _Who's grabbing me? Is it them? Did they find me?_ "Get off of me!" He thrashed his arms around to no avail. "Please. Just go away". He said between hysterical sobs. "Just don't hurt me."

He was in full-blown panic mode now. Unable to take any breaths at all he started to get scared. Finally forcing his eyes to look up at his attacker, he realized they weren't attacking him at all. It was Dan.

"JD. JD! It's just me! Can you hear me? It's just me." Dan yelled desperately for JD to stop fighting back. He was fighting back harder than some of the drunks he'd had to deal with at the bar. "JD please just look at me! Please. " Finally seeing that JD was looking at him, he relaxed a little. But then something else seized him. A gut wrenching feeling that something was wrong. He watched JD become paler only to wheeze in and out. "JD! Calm down. Just…just sit down." He lowered both of them to the ground. JD sitting on the ground leaning on the wall of a building while Dan knelt in front of him. "Just breathe. In and out." He watched as JD started to breathe a little easier. "That's it. In and out."

Unsure of what else to really say, he spent the next couple minutes just sitting with him against the building. He didn't care that everyone who walked by was giving them strange looks. _Can't two men just sit down on the sidewalk? God. What's wrong with people? _Dan looked back at JD again and noticed he'd gotten some of his color back. It still didn't really look like he was focusing on anything, but maybe he'd be able to get him back to the car.

"Think you can make it to the car little brother?"

JD looked up. Almost startled from his thoughts. "What did you say?"

"The car. Think you can make it to the car?" Dan raised an eyebrow. Concerned he was rushing him. _Maybe JD wasn't ready to go back. Maybe he needed another minute._

"Yeah." He paused. "Yeah. I'm good." He started to stand, but had to dizzily put a hand against the building.

Afraid JD would fall, Dan quickly stood up. "Come on." He put one hand on the small of JD's back. Watching him flinch away at first wasn't entirely unexpected, but Dan hesitated when he tried to do it a second time. Gently leading him to the car.

Dan opened the passenger side door and set JD inside. The kid looked so out of it Dan thought it'd be best if he just did his seat belt up for him. He watched as JD closed his eyes and sucked in a breath once Dan got closer. Pulling the belt across and hearing it click closed. _Is it really this bad all the time?_ Dan sighed and shut the door walking around the front of his car to the driver's side. He got in and turned on the car. Turning off the radio thinking the quiet ride might be best, he pulled away from the curb.

"Do you think they'll know how to find me Dan?"

Dan seemed almost thrown back at the question. "I'm sorry?" He glanced over at JD.

"Do you think they'll know where I am?" JD turned to look out the window. He didn't want Dan to see him crying. "I really don't want to see them Dan. I can't do it." He intertwined his fingers in his lap. "I just don't want to see them anymore. I left them behind a long time ago." He sucked in a deep breath. "Thanks for coming Dan. For helping me." He exhaled. "I know it's not easy being on both sides."

Dan had to strain to hear everything JD just said. His brain working overdrive to make sure he said the right things. "JD." He turned to face him and spoke. "The last thing I want is for someone to hurt you." Both of them completely unaware of the Ford truck, heading directly through the red light several yards ahead.


	6. Chapter 6

There wasn't any time for either of them to see what was happening. There wasn't any time for Dan to stop, or try and get out of the way. There wasn't any time for JD to say he was sorry. Or for Dan to apologize for not coming to ever see him sooner. Nor was there time for either one of them to apologize for not being the better man they knew they could be. There was only enough time for Dan to see the truck coming at them, full speed, right into the passenger side of the car. There was just enough time for him to try one last time to protect his little brother. Putting his arm in front of JD to try and keep him in the seat. His body started acting before his mind. His brain knowing that this little effort, this small gesture, wasn't going to help him. And in fact, was going against all efforts to protect himself. His eyes seeing that last look JD had on his face of pure fear. The one he had tried to forget.

There was just enough time for the car to be slammed into, crushing bits of metal from outside to inside. A small enough time for the windshield to buckle and then start dropping pieces of it into their laps. The roof started coming in on them. They were hit so hard the car had rolled twice on its way to the wrong side on the road, in the wrong part of the intersection. Finally coming to a stop as it lay in a turning lane.

Pedestrians started pulling out their cellphones. Calling 911. Some started writing down license plate numbers. Drivers stopped their cars. Some unable to get out, in shock of what they just witnessed. Wreckage was everywhere. Bumper pieces, glass, and shreds of the car lay about in the road like the Jaws of Life had ripped it apart. Some sort of crash test happened here. All this couldn't be the carnage from simply one little car.

JD having been knocked unconscious before the rollover lay broken upside down in his seat. Head lolled to one side. Dan wasn't out until the 2nd time they rolled. Watching the way the ground moved so quickly in those few seconds, it's no wonder his body chose to pass out. Pain searing him from every direction, the last thing he took in was seeing JD. _Please help him. Whatever you do. Please help him. _His eyes closed and his body's recovery system took over.

* * *

Ambulances arrived and pagers went off, nurses and doctors started bringing in patients from the recent crash. It made the news in the break room faster than the ambulance could get them here. _It's a shame it has to happen like that; news teams get there before we do._ Dr. Cox thought as he shook his head. Jogging along side his patient's gurney he hadn't even bothered to look down. Had he, he may not have been so confident about his next choices. _Stop the bleeding. Check for internal damage to his head and chest. Surgery. _Nurses were trying to both stop the bleeding, and clean him up at the same time, but once they got him through those doors, it was the scalpel jocks jobs to take it from there. He'd be his again once they pushed him back through the other way.

"Did we ID him yet?" A nurse behind him asked.

"No idea." He turned around. "I've got other things to check in on. Page me when he gets pushed back through on our end." Dr. Cox walked down the hallway in the opposite direction. _I wonder who the other idiot is that came in with this guy? Maybe we can get some identification that way. Or at least a name for the insurance card. _

* * *

"Carla, have you heard from JD at all?" Turk looked around. Todd had taken the surgery that had just come in. Right now he was anxious to find something to do. But the problem with Dan and JD was still wearing him down. "I've been trying to reach him since Dan left – but I think he turned off his phone. It goes straight to voicemail."

"Well, maybe he didn't want to be bothered."

"But baby. He tells me everything. Vanilla bear likes getting bothered by me."

Carla rolled her eyes. "I don't know Turk." She moved from behind the counter filing charts into their designated folders. "I have a hard enough time keeping track of one of you." She kissed him on the cheek before walking. "I have some things to check in on." Her voice getting further and further away. "Let me know if you hear from him."

* * *

About an hour later he received a page. The 2nd victim was waking up, the first not having come out of surgery yet. Casually running, but not wanting to seem like he actually cared, Dr. Cox slowed down just before the door, he strolled his cocky self into the room. "Well what do we have…here?" His face sunk. He knew who this was. He'd seen this guy earlier today. "You're." Pausing at his chart just to make sure he was right. But his gut knew he wasn't wrong. "You're Newbie's brother." Reading the chart his suspicions were confirmed. _Daniel Dorian. Could this really be happening? _Dr. Cox stood towering over Dan. "Dan is it?"

Dan looked up. Barely registering anything that the man was saying. Between the pain and the drugs they were giving him for it, everything was still sort of a blur.

"For the love of God Dan, please tell me JD was not in that car." Although Dr. Cox knew any answer at this point wasn't going to make sense. They had him so hopped up on painkillers that he probably didn't even know he was laying down.

It was at that very moment that Carla walked in having seen his monitor from the nurse's station. If she could figure out who this guy was, perhaps they could find out who the second guy was. Then she heard it. The one question she knew she would never be able to forget.

"Dr. Cox?" she stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes started filling with tears.

Dr. Cox blew by her so fast she didn't even get any answers. Hesitantly stepping further towards the bed, she saw it. Even with his hair matted and his eyes closed. Face covered with cuts from the windshield, stiches in his forehead. Carla knew who that was. The face shape, the eye movement and body structure. Undeniably a Dorian, no matter how much alike the two of them were not.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she watched Dan fall back asleep. She knew where she should go. She knew she should let Turk and Elliot know what happened. Hell, she should be moving to tell everyone in this place. But she needed to let herself have this moment. Taking 2 more steps towards Dan's bedside, she took his hand in hers. Rubbing her fingers slowly on the inside of his palm. She saw the motion soothe him through his facial movements. It wouldn't be too much longer before he woke up and was going to be able to tell them what happened.

* * *

"We need to call Dan's emergency contact." Carla told Turk as they sat down near the surgery waiting room. There hadn't been any more news on JD other than that it didn't look very good. They were going to put him in medical induced coma once he was out to let him body recover without the trauma and pain. Broken bones, his neck was going to be put in a brace, splints on his right arm until they could fix the shattered bones in his fingers and wrist. His back would be braced until he woke up to prevent any nerve damage from him moving around. His brain seemed to look okay but they wouldn't know for certain until they finished with the scans. The only good news being his heart was strong, and that's what really counted to a doctor.

"I don't exactly know who that is Carla." Turk snapped. He lifted his head out of his hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that."

Carla stood up. "I know baby. I know it's JD, and it's his brother. But you've got to let us do our job and notify the people who can help them." She put out her hand as if to say it was time to get up and take a walk. "We're not going to get any more information than what we already have waiting around here. So can we please just get this over with?"

Turk stood up and took her hand. "I'll make the call." He checked over his shoulder as if he had x-ray vision and could see through the wall into the surgery room. "It's the least I can do since they won't let me in there instead."

* * *

Dr. Cox sat in the lounge. The television was on but he wasn't really listening. _Blood loss, possible brain damage, back brace, months of physical therapy. _He went over the list again and again like it was a bad nightmare. Only it wasn't. Sure he hated people, but he didn't really hate Newbie. Hate was a strong word for their relationship. He couldn't lie to himself. It made his ego even bigger knowing someone looked up to him as much as JD did. But he wasn't really a "being there" sort of guy. _I never did get to the bottom of what was bothering him this morning._ He leaned back into the sofa. He was sure word was getting around the hospital in regards to the accident. He also knew that anyone who wanted to live would leave him alone in here. They were told to page him when JD got out of surgery or if Dan woke up enough to know what was going on – that was all he wanted to know.

Sighing as if he couldn't get enough oxygen in and out of his lungs, he looked up towards the ceiling. _I'm not a religious guy; we're not going to start now. We both know I think its bologna any way. But if you have any plans for that kid, you better start making them known right now._ He chuckled at the thought of his sister Paige seeing him now. She was such a religious nut ball; she'd probably just love this sensitive new leaf. Closing his eyes for just a moment and it couldn't have been more than a second, he heard his pager beep. Almost afraid to look, it took him a couple moments before he could make his eyes even read what it said.

Dan's awake.


	7. Chapter 7

Dan's awake.

That was all Dr. Cox needed to read. Hopefully he'd be awake enough to answer a few questions. He didn't need to know everything, just enough to know how to handle the situation. Stuffing his pager back into his pocket he made his was towards Dan's room. Hoping Carla and Turk didn't get the message, he wanted to try and do this alone first.

* * *

Dan groggily tried to open his eyes. It was almost difficult, like his body was forcing them shut. He was so tired, and felt like he wasn't going to be getting out of bed today. His brain felt fuzzy, like after a night of too much drinking. He tried opening his eyes again; this time finally able to blink them open just enough to see this wasn't his room. "What?" _Was that my voice? Why's it sound all slow and raspy like that? _He moved his fingers slightly, toes too. Trying to get the heavy feeling to go away. It wasn't really working. He opened his eyes a bit wider, squinting because of the overhead lights. _This isn't my room? Where am I? _Lifting his arm to touch his face, he notices an IV in his hand. He hears the soft beeping of a heart monitor speed up as he grasps where he is. Trying to sit up to see farther, he's slowed down by the severe pains in his chest. Gasping for air, his eyes filling with tears from the pain, he can't help but panic.

Dr. Cox opens the door and immediately turns into doctor mode. Gently pushing Dan back down into a laying position, he continues to talk to him. "Dan, it's okay. You're fine." He says using a soothing tone. He couldn't help but think he probably wouldn't have been this nice had it not been Newbie's brother. He can see the panic in Dan's eyes. "Dan. Slow down. Take a breath with me okay? You'll be fine. Just breathe in…and out." He can see Dan's eyes start to come back from a distant world, finally taking in everything that's just happened. He removes his hands from Dan's shoulders once he's sure he's not going to try and get up again.

"Dr. Cox?"

"Dan."

Dan takes another breath. He can feel the oxygen coming in through his nostrils. Taking another look around he takes in the white walls. The white sheets and the hospital gown he's covered in. His right arm's in a green cast and his left hand feels itchy from the IV tape. Taking another deep breath, and then releasing it, he turns his head to face back to Dr. Cox. "What happened?"

"I was hoping to ask you the same thing there big boy?" Dr. Cox pulls the empty chair up to the side of the bed. He pulls Dan's chart from the wall and takes a seat. He flips it open re-reading everything that they had to do. Nothing too serious, it's all pretty superficial stuff. Satisfied there wouldn't be any complications with any of it, he folds it back closed. "Good news is you're fine. A little bit dinged up around the edges. Some bruised ribs, broken wrist, and cuts that you'll have to keep clean, but you'll be fine Dan."

He searched his brain for clues that any of those things even happened. "I don't…" Pausing as if his memory will serve him any second now. "I don't remember." Flicking his thumb against the cast, Dan squinted his eyes again. This time to try and remember as if that'll focus his memories and make it all less fuzzy. "What happened?"

Dr. Cox looked at him. This is what he wanted to be alone for. Better get it done now before someone else comes in. He wasn't sure he'd be able to do this with Turk or Carla around, but Dan needed to know. He was the emergency family member on JD's information after all. If Dan was awake enough to be making decisions for him, he's who would have to make the calls. _Leaving your life in the hands of a bartender their Newbie? _He had to hold back an eye roll at his own thoughts. Now was not the time.

"Listen." He rubbed his hand through his hair and down the side of his face. "There was an accident…" Leaning forwards he put his wrists on the side of the bed and looked square at Dan. "JD was with you." Swallowing any emotions he had about the situation. "He's in pretty bad shape Dan. His heart's beating strong, but everything else, he's…I mean…it's going to take some time before we know everything." Dr. Cox couldn't believe he was having such a hard time with this. He told people this all the time. He'd worked as a doctor for years. _Why is telling someone else such a problem?_

Dan started shaking his head no as soon as he heard JD's name. "No. That's not true." He turned away still shaking his head. Suddenly he stopped and just paused. It was as if the entire world stood still. _Do you think they'll find me? _As the last 5minutes of his life returned to him at super speed, he remembered the accident. His breathing hitches, and he thinks he might throw up. His stomach was immediately threatening to lose all of its contents.

Cox doesn't miss a beat and grabs the basin next to the bed holding it to the side. Gently turning Dan onto his side so he doesn't choke, he watches as Dan loses his lunch. "Please tell me he'll be okay." He hears Dan plead between shallow breaths. "Please take care of him for me."

Dan can feel himself becoming shaky. It's getting hard to breath and see. The pains in his chest only hurting more and more each time he throws up. By now it's just the motion as there's nothing else to come up. "Please." He closes his eyes. _This is taking so much energy. Must stay awake. _"Can I see him?" he asks as he lay's back down on his back. "I just need to know he's going to be okay?"

He was never one for these touchy feely moments. Something about this was always so difficult for him. And Dan he barely knew. But maybe that's what made it easier. There was no reputation to uphold. If Dan was anything like JD, he'd be awaiting the physical contact, something to say someone cared about you, that you weren't by yourself. Holding the basin only with his left hand, and after a slight hesitation, he placed his other hand on Dan's back, giving it a light couple pats. That was really the best he could do. Hugs just were not in his nature.

"It was the one thing I promised him!" Pausing to take a shallow breath "In the car. You have to let me see him. I told him I'd be there this time. That we'd make it work out! We'd get through this together. I've already left him alone too long!" His arms were becoming more animated.

Dan's eyes were becoming less focused and darting all over the room. "It's not my fault you know! There was another car. He ran the light. I didn't have time. I stuck my arm out. I tried. It's never enough. I told him while we were in the car. This time was going to be different! I was going to help him this time!"

Dr. Cox thought he might need to deliver a sedative by the way the kids breathing is going and by the way he's thrashing his arms around. He couldn't make sense of what Dan was going on about. "Dan. I need to you calm down or I'm going to give you more drugs that'll make you sleep." He sees Dan look up; he's never seen someone look more pleading in his life. "If you can just stop and calm down, I won't order it."

Dan's ears felt like they were filled with cotton. He doesn't know exactly what Dr. Cox was saying, but by the look on his face he knew he meant business. He tried his best to calm down. _JD's okay, he told you. His heart is strong. Dr. Cox just said so. He wouldn't tell you if there was something more. He wouldn't lie to you._ Slowing down his breathing he looked up. The sounds of the room were coming back to him now, reality of the situation settling in.

Dr. Cox put the basin back beside the bed. He'd have a nurse clean that later. "I'm going to go visit your brother alright?" He paused. "I can't take you there the way you are, don't even ask." He put Dan's folder back on the wall. "I'll be back in a little bit with an update okay?" He opened his mouth as if to say something and then closed it again. _There's really nothing to say. _"I promise you I'll do everything I can to help Sally." _Don't think about it Perry, stop thinking of the worst possibilities. _"I'm sure Carla and Gandhi will be in shortly. I think they were making a few calls for you."

Dan nods his head slowly. Hoping that was enough for Dr. Cox to know that it was okay. Tears making their way down the corners of his eyes he grabs the edges of the blanket and pulls them up to his chin. Using his casted hand to try and wipe his eyes. He couldn't help but let out a loud sob. The next words out of his mouth were more meant for only him to hear. "He'll be okay right?" he mumbled. Trying to reassure his mind.

_I hope so. _"He'll be fine Dan. We'll work it out." Dr. Cox replied as he exited the room. _He'll be just fine. _And even as he said it, he couldn't tell if he was saying it to please Dan, or himself. He paused before he closed the door. "I don't know what you promised him, but I'll do it all myself okay?" Eyeing up Dan for confirmation that he heard him. "I'll take care of him."

Closing the door behind him, his legs nearly gave out. Leaning against the wall momentarily, he wondered how much harder it would've been had Dan not remembered anything at all. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was honestly one of the worst days he could recall in his career. Trauma was different when it was a third party, someone you didn't personally know. This was too hard. He opened his eyes and stiffened his body. If he was going to do this, he needed to push it aside. Make room for the ego and get rid of the emotions. He straightened his body out and growled. Pushing forward away from the wall, he rounded the corner nearly plowing someone right over.

* * *

"Where's my baby?" A frantic woman called from the entranceway. She continued running towards the front desk with a large man in tow behind her. "I was told he was here. Someone called me and told me he was here."

"Can I get the patients name please?" the nurse asked.

"Dorian. Danial Dorian." She hurriedly spoke.

"Room 130. If you wait a moment I can get someone to take you there."

"No. No. I'll find it myself." She yelled as she spotted the elevators.

* * *

She finally found the right direction. Having to frantically ask 2 people on her way. All she wanted to do was see her son. Practically sprinting down the hall she quickly rounded a corner. Completely running head first into someone as they walked through the other way.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She said as she quickly regained her balance and huffed towards Dan's room. He hair was a mess like he hadn't brushed it all day, and you could see where the eyeliner was running down her face.

_Who on earth? _Dr. Cox quizzically turned to see who would be running into Dan's room. Someone he'd never seen before, but then again Dan didn't live close by, and he'd never really seen him until today either. Curiosity was getting the best of him though, and before turning to travel towards JD he backtracked for the door to try and get a better listen.

* * *

Barbara burst through the door like she was saving a human baby from a lion. She had nothing but relief in her eyes when she could see that Dan was awake and okay. Able to walk a little slower now she crept into the room. She didn't want to wake him if he was sleeping.

Dan sensed someone was here. Slowly opening his eyes. "Dr. Cox, please tell me you're not here with bad news." He turned towards the breathing body while a look of complete shock and anger quickly crossed his face. "Mom?!"


	8. Chapter 8

Dan had just started to close his eyes when he heard the door open. Assuming it would be Chris or Carla he looked up. Immediately his face shifted from pleasant to fearful. "Mom! What are you doing here?"

Barbara rushed over to her son's bedside. Frantically trying to get all of her words out at once. "The hospital called. They said you were in some sort of accident." Running her fingers through his hair, being mindful of all the scrapes. "We weren't that far away so we rushed the rest of the way here." Tears were threatening to fall. "I'm so glad you're okay." Finally seeing him with her own eyes she could take a breath.

Dan looked around at both his mom and her husband. It wasn't that he wasn't thankful to see her; he knew how worried she must've been. But all he could think about at this very moment was JD. Somehow he hadn't even thought about how easy this would make it for them to see him. Turning back to his mom, he could feel his heart rate speeding up. Hearing the pulse monitors race with the thumping in his chest. "Mom." He bit his lip, a nervous habit he hadn't been able to break since he was a kid. "I need you to leave." And even has he said those words; he could feel his mother's heart breaking.

* * *

Dr. Cox was still staring at Dan's door. _The hell was that? _His eyes narrowed at the door as it closed behind the frantic woman. Straining his ears he could hear Dan's pulse monitor speeding up. Growling he turned back towards Dan's hospital room and pushed all emotional thoughts of JD aside.

* * *

There was excessive force as he pushed open the door. "Who the hell are you?" He asked aggressively at the woman staring at her as though he could burn her with his eyes. "Never mind. I don't care who you are. You need to get out."

Barbara stared at him, tears coming down her cheeks. "What kind of thing is that to say to someone?" She asked, her breath hitching at the end of her sentence to stop herself from sobbing.

Dr. Cox's eyes went between this woman, and what he assumed was probably her husband by the way he stepped in front of her. Looking down at Dan he could tell he was having a hard time, and at that moment he chose to ignore the other people in the room. He fiddled with his pain medicine IV and wrote it down on his chart. "This will make you sleep Dan. I really need you to get some rest. You're going to need to be in good shape once he gets out of surgery." Not knowing who these people were, he tried to be as vague as possible.

"No. Please." Dan paused to catch his breath. His chest was on fire. His eyelids were heavy. He wanted nothing more to help his brother. He tried to push Dr. Cox's hands aside. The slow motion gave Dr. Cox very little resistance.

"I'm serious Dan. I'll prescribe a sedative. You can't stay awake. You're just going to hurt yourself." He moved up closer to the edge of the bed, opposite the other people. Strangely out of character for him, if this wasn't for Newbie's sake, he couldn't help but feel he wouldn't be this nice to the guy and would've ordered the sedative before he left the first time.

"No." Dan paused to take a shallow breath. "You don't understand…" It was taking all of him to stay awake. The pain was beginning to fade, but then again he could feel his entire body fading too.

His mom whispered quietly. "Daniel please just let the doctor do his job." She brushed his hair off his forehead. "Just rest."

"Please stop that mom." He shook his head. Not a lot, but enough that she removed her hand. "You need to leave." He forced his eyes open when they started falling. "You can't be here when he wakes up." He couldn't get them open anymore "You need to go home."

Dr. Cox watched tried not to look shocked. _Mom? This was their mom? _He walked towards the door. Opening it wide, he turned to the other people "Everybody out."

Barbara stared at him. "You can't be serious? He's hurt! I need to stay here with him…"

Dr. Cox whistled. "I don't care what you want, he needs to sleep. He also said he didn't want to see you, but we'll deal with that later. Right now, everybody out!"

They could both tell he wasn't fooling around. Barbara carefully kissed Dan atop his head, and made her way out of the room; her husband close behind her.

Dr. Cox closed the door behind them all and they proceeded into the hallway. "So, you're his mother?" Eying her up closely. "And who's this?" Gesturing to the man at her side.

Barbara was startled. She'd never seen a doctor with such poor people skills. "This is Duncan. My husband." She paused, breaking eye contact with Dr. Cox to look back through the window on Dan's door. After a moment of silence she spoke again. "When he said I couldn't be here when he woke up, who did he mean?"

He wasn't sure how he wanted to answer this. Dan didn't seem to want them there. His body language spoke a great deal. Not to mention, and now that he thought harder about it, he'd not in his entire time with story-telling-loving Newbie, ever once heard him speak about his mother. She wasn't his emergency contact. His gut was trying to tell him something. Dr. Cox rubbed the back of his neck trying to figure out what to say. He was always a man of few words, but he always knew what those few words were going to be. _How do you tell someone they have no right to know about their son? _Following Dan's mom's eyes into Dan's room, he could tell the kid was distressed even in his sleep. His brow was furrowed as if thinking really hard about something, body pulled into itself. It was then he made a professional decision not to tell them. "The kids huffed up on pain killers, I wouldn't read into what he says too much." And with that, he walks away. Leaving their mom and Duncan inside the hallway.

* * *

JD had finally come out of surgery. Turk was sitting back, waiting for them to situate him in a room before he could go see him. There were so many thoughts racing through his head he couldn't focus on just one. A piece of him was missing as long as JD was in there. He closed his eyes, putting his head in his hands. _Please, please, please, please." _Suddenly he felt a rough hand set itself down on his shoulder, essentially breaking his prayers. Turk looked up to see Dr. Cox standing there. His eyes looked softly down on him as Cox took a seat in the chair beside him.

"He okay?"

"Yeah." Turk cleared his throat. "Yeah. They think so." He turned away so Cox wouldn't see him cry. "Scans came back clean." His words were shaky. He wondered if he looked as awful as he felt. "They're going to keep him out for a day or so. Let his body rest. Make sure all the swelling goes down."

Cox just nodded. Although he'd never admit it to anyone, a wave of relief washed over him. _He's alive. He's okay. _Removing his hand from Gandhi's shoulder, it was time to get to the reason on why he was here. The whole thing with their mom was eating away at him, and he couldn't shake the feeling something was really wrong about it all.

"Listen, baldy, I need to ask you something." He asked quietly.

Turk wiped his eyes with the palms of his hands. He could tell by the sound of Cox's voice he needed to face him. He shifted in his chair a little so he could more comfortably be face to face. "Hmm?"

Dr. Cox looked to the corner of the room before looking back at Turk. There wasn't anything there, but he didn't really know how to discuss the nagging feeling in his stomach about JD's family. "Did JD…has he ever talked about his mother?"

Turk shifted back in his seat a little. Of all the things he thought Dr. Cox would ask, that was not one of them. "Sorry?"

"JD. Did he ever say anything to you about his family?"

Turk squinted as though he didn't understand the question. Tilting his head slightly, he tried to think about what he might be asking. "Dan and me, we're the ones on his contact sheet. You don't need to call anyone else if that's what you're asking."

He sighed. "No. That's not what I'm asking," he snapped. He watched as Turk looked away again. _Back off Perry. _ "What I'm trying to say is, has JD ever talked about his family to you. Family other than Dan." Turk turned back to him still slightly confused by the expression he wore. "I need to know Turk."

_Turk? Since when does he use my actual name? _"Umm, I don't know." He pressed his fingertips to his legs trying to think. "I don't think so." Pausing to think back. "His dad, he died. You know that." Closing his eyes for just a moment, and feeling them burn with tiredness. "Dan I've only met a couple times. JD talked about him though. He'd call the apartment every once in awhile. There's this picture hanging in JD's room of him and his dad…"

"That's not what I mean." _How does he not understand? _"Did Wendy ever talk about his mom?"

Turk stopped talking and just paused. He eyes were blank momentarily while he tried to think back on the last several years he'd known JD. He looked up to make direct eye contact with Dr. Cox. "Not that I can ever remember, no. I don't know how I never noticed, or why it never occurred to me that she wasn't around. Why?"

Dr. Cox leaned back in his chair putting his head against the wall. He hadn't noticed how tired he was until this very moment. "No reason." _I made the right call. _He closed his eyes and just breathed. He needed this moment. He could hear footsteps getting closer but he didn't bother opening his eyes.

"He's situated baby, if you want to go see him" Carla spoke softly. Like anything she said might break Turk in two pieces.

Turk got up, but not before hesitating. It was like he didn't want to see what was in that room. He took Carla's hand and pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her just a little too tight and a little longer than usual. He kissed her on top of her forehead and whispered.

"I think I want to go in alone the first time baby." His voice shook. "I just want to do it alone." He broke apart from her, still holding her hands, and staring into her eyes, pleading for her acceptance of his request.

"I know Turk. That's okay. I'll go in after." She let go of his hands. "He's up in ICU in front of the nurses desk." She paused. "We wanted to keep him close by. Be able to keep a close eye on him."

There was a faint smile that passed Turk's face before he turned and headed down the hall. His shoulders hunched, arms crossed. He was trying to keep everything held back. Eventually he disappeared and Dr. Cox reopened his eyes to see Carla standing in front of him.

"He's going to be okay, you know?" It was more of a statement than a question. She sat down beside him.

He eyed her. "Are you?"

Honestly she had no idea how she was keeping it together. Maybe it hadn't settled in yet. Maybe it's because she felt as though everyone else around her was falling apart, she needed to be the one who stayed on top of things. "I'm…okay." She looked down at the ground. "Are you going to go see him?"

He'd been waiting for that question. He knew he needed to. He was going to be Newbie's doctor; he wasn't letting someone else treat him instead. He'd kill the intern who tried to touch him. So he'd have to go in there eventually. "I'm…I'll go once Turk's done." He said.

Looking down the hall towards where JD's room would be, he felt Carla take his hand. He'd tried so hard not to let this get to him, but even the anger he tried to mask it with wouldn't stop the sadness he felt. How scared he was while JD was in surgery. How the muscles in his stomach wouldn't stop clenching knowing about the family situation. _How could you have never noticed he never said anything about his family? You're a doctor. You're supposed to be observant. _He took a shaky breath, letting his eyes fill with tears. _He'll be fine_. _He has to be. _


	9. Chapter 9

Dr. Cox knocked on the doorframe of JD's room. The door was open, and he could see Turk standing next to JD's bed. Holding his hand in his. It was clear there was crying earlier, but not now.

Turk turned to face the doorway. Sadness radiated from his body and facial features. He laid JD's hand down gently on the bed and came out from beside the bed. Walking required so much effort; he knew it would be best if he just went home. Although Dr. Cox would never admit it, he cared, and someone would be here to make sure nothing happened. "Please call me if you need anything, or he needs anything, or if…"

"He'll be fine Gandhi. I'll make sure of it." Dr. Cox replied. Staring at JD the whole time he spoke. "Shut the door behind you."

Turk didn't argue, and left the room, closing the door. The only light in the room was coming through the cracks on the closed blinds, or from the machines currently keeping JD rested. It was weird not to see Newbie as his normal active self. His hair wasn't gelled up and his mouth wasn't open trying to tell a story or ask for advice. The room seemed eerily quiet other than that he was on a loud ventilator, not even breathing on his own. His pale face contrasted so much with his dark hair. Stitches had to be done in his scalp, but they'd been pretty careful not to have to cut too much of his hair off. His neck was supported with a brace, his back laying flat to prevent any moving around. As he took it all in, his legs became weak, and he walked over to the chair to sit down.

Dr. Cox stared at him for the longest time. Listening to the noises of the room. The steady beeping of the heart monitor was a good sign. He ran a hand down the side of his face. Sighing with great effort. He was tired. It'd be an extremely long day and he felt like this whole experience had probably taken at least a week from his life. He brought the chair a little closer to the bed so he's knees were practically touching the bedframe. He couldn't lie, he'd needed to be close to Newbie, and needed to make sure someone was there to watch over him. Looking towards the door first to make sure no one was watching him, he brought his hand towards JD's casted wrist. Slowly and carefully rubbing the fingers sticking out the end with his thumb. JD's face showed no activity of knowing what was happening, as it was supposed to be. It'd be at least a day before they even tried to take him off. He closed his eyes for just a moment, and got a little more comfortable in the chair. _It's going to be a long night_. Moving his beeper to the bedside table, he settled down for the evening.

* * *

Dr. Cox woke up just a couple hours later. Groggy eyed he stretched his arms over his head. He'd nearly forgotten where he was, until he heard the heart monitor. Frowning, he figured he should get up and check on the kid. Make sure nothing had changed. Stretching his legs he could see through the window that the sun was starting to come up. _The first day is always the hardest Newbie. You've got to be starting to get better from this point onward._ Checking his vitals and that all medication was going in and doing as it was prescribed, he couldn't help but give the kid another once over. What caused him to do his next action he wasn't sure, but he certainly wasn't his nature. As he carefully put his left hand through JD's un-styled hair and brushed some of the loose strands away from his face, he couldn't help but rub the side of his face with his fingers. "You'll be alright there Britney."

Stepping back away from the bed, that power nap he took did wonders. Now time to check in on Dan, and then maybe he'd try to get some sleep in the on-call room. At least there'd be something to sleep on that they tried to pass as real beds. He knew already there'd be too many nights ahead of him where he would have to sleep in that chair. This was only the beginning.

* * *

Dan had woken up a while ago and was currently just staring at the ceiling. He'd woken up alone, which was what he wanted; he just hadn't expected it to feel quite so lonely. Which is why he was so surprised when he heard his door open.

"Dr. Cox?" He didn't mean to make it sound like a question. He knew who it was. It'd just been so long since he'd actually said anything of real words that it was like his throat forgot how to speak.

"Danielle." Cox nodded his head, walking towards the bed. "Just thought I'd come in and check on you." He tried to smile, but he knew it was lost looking. Dan looked horrible, not as horrible as JD, but still horrible.

"How's he doing?" Dan asked. Sounding hopeful that there'd be any sort of good news. "I'd really like to go see him. I think…I think I'm well enough."

"A-bup-bup." Cox put a finger to Dan's lips. "Stop right there." Pulling his hand down once he knew Dan wasn't going to talk anymore. "There is no way I'm letting you out of this room. You have a concussion. As soon as you stand up someone's going to end up with barf on his shoes, and that certainly isn't going to be me." He picked up Dan's chart and wrote a few things down. Putting it back down he looked up at Dan. Dan was looking towards the door like a lost puppy. Even Dr. Cox could see the sadness in the young man's eyes. Growling to himself he stepped towards the side of the bed and gently hit the side of Dan's face.

Dan zoned back in and looked up at Dr. Cox. He hadn't even been thinking of anything in particular. His mind couldn't focus.

"Listen up here Danielle. I'm going to tell you once, and only once. Your brother…JD…he's…" _Why is this so hard? _Pacing towards the door and back, he stuck his hands in his lab coat pockets. "He's going to be fine." He let out a long breath. _There. See. That wasn't so hard. _

Dan looked at Dr. Cox with concern. "Hey Cox, what aren't you telling me?" He tried to sit up, only to have Dr. Cox shove him back down.

He sat down. "You know, there's a long road ahead for him, but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. Physically, he'll be fine. Some physiotherapy and time off work, he'll be able to come back to work should he choose eventually." Looking away momentarily "His brain scans came back clean. That's…that's the most important really. Heart's still beating." He looked back at Dan. "We've had to put him under. Just to make sure he gets some rest while all the swelling goes down. He's going to be in a lot of pain once he wakes up, but this…this is the best thing for him." Leaning back in the chair, he stretched his legs forward. "What I wanted to ask Dan was why don't you want those folks that were in here earlier to see him?"  
Dan swallowed hard. He was afraid of this. He knew JD hadn't told anyone. _He looks up to Cox so much, how do I tell him without telling him. _"I can't."  
"You can't? Or you won't?"

"I…I can't." Dan hung his head low. "Just please, don't let them in there. Don't tell them anything. You don't need to any way."

"If there's something I need to know, you have to tell me. JD can't. And clearly hasn't in all the years I've known him." Even Cox knew he was losing his temper "I swear to God Dan if you make me beg I will have to break the rest of your body."

Dan winced. "We were just kids you know." He looked away. He couldn't make eye contact with him while he told the story. "I don't…I really don't want to get into this. He should be the one telling you. I don't know everything." He was becoming agitated. Between the stress, the last of sleep, the pain in his arm and chest.

"For the love of God stop doing this to yourself!" Dr Cox's face was in front of Dan's now. "Breathe in and out Dan. Just calm down!" His faces just inches away. "I refuse to give you another sedative. You can't keep running away from this."  
Dan's eyes refocused. "He just…he doesn't want to see them. Duncan, he'll kill him. Please don't let them hurt him again. I can't take it anymore. I came here to protect him." He exhaled and inhaled again quickly. "Can't we be in the same room?" Tears were falling now, the sheets held tightly in his hands.

Dr. Cox sat back down. "No Dan, you can't. Not for a few days." He ran a hand through his curls. He knew what Dan was trying to say. Thinking back on it he wasn't sure why he didn't see the signs. They were all there. The kid was jumpy, needy, always begging for his approval. "I got this." He got up to leave. "Go back to sleep. I'll let security know that no one enters that room but the A-Team and me.

Dan looked at Dr. Cox confused, but figured he knew what he was doing. _There, I did it. I told him without actually telling him. _Leaning back into his pillow to try and get more comfortable. _I'm sorry little brother; I just can't do it by myself anymore. _Dan felt miles away from him where he was. Not being able to see him, make sure that JD knew he was trying, was literally killing him.

* * *

Dr. Cox walked to the nurse's station across from JD's room. "Hey Carla?"

Carla looked up. "Hey. How's Dan doing?" She looked genuinely concerned. Although she knew they weren't close, they were still family.

"He's doing fine." Strumming his fingers on the desk. "Listen, I need a favor. And I'm asking you instead of anyone else in this hellhole because I know you'll keep your mouth shut about it." He leaned over so he could talk quieter. _With all the gossip in this place, I don't need to be the one starting any. _"I need you to put a note on JD's room. No one goes in there but staff. Alright?"

Carla nodded confused. She could tell there was something he wasn't telling her. She knew as much as he wouldn't admit it, JD was important to him too, and this was probably killing him on the inside. _It's a miracle he isn't drunk yet._

"No questions. And no exceptions." He started walking away. "If I find out someone got let in there that wasn't supposed to be, I'll strip them from their right to air."

Dr. Cox stormed away towards the on-call room she assumed. Looking towards JD's room she frowned. _I don't know what's wrong with you Bambi, but you've sure got him fired up about it. _


	10. Chapter 10

"Mom would you please stop fussing, I'm fine." Dan shook his casted arm at her. He was becoming annoyed. They'd been there all day. He couldn't keep up the charade too much longer. Duncan looked like he was getting increasingly annoyed, and he swore his mom asked about JD every 10minutes. "Can you please just go home?"

Barbara stared at her son. He'd never been this forward and aggressive about things before. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine." He rolled his eyes. "I'm just tired. I'm a grown man who came here to see my brother. I can take care of myself."

Duncan angrily sighed from a chair in the corner of the room.

"Where is your brother any way?" His mom spoke. "I know we all don't see him very often, but you'd think he'd be willing to see his brother at a hospital so close to where he lives. I don't honestly know what's wrong with that boy. It's like he doesn't want anything to do with us anymore." She smoothed out the blankets on the bed. "I swear Daniel, he's just stirring up drama that doesn't need to be there anymore. We both know that those issues are over and done with. I don't see why…"

"Mom just shut up!" His volume even startled himself. "I know you don't mean that. Please, just leave him out of this. He'll see you when he's ready, and he's not ready. I don't think he'll ever be ready, so can you just stop talking about it. We all know what went on."

She looked away from her son, shock written on her face. _When had JD told him? _

"I know everything mom. Why do you think I came here? To protect him from you…" he lowered her voice so only she could her it "and him." His eyes narrowed towards the general direction of Duncan. He couldn't stand this anymore. He couldn't protect JD from this bed if he didn't speak up. He needed them to go home. He knew they couldn't find out where he was.

She dropped her hands from the bed. "I think it's time we went home."

He couldn't bite his tongue. "Good. Avoid the issue. Just what your both good at." He closed his eyes and put his head down into his pillow. _God it's been a long day. Seeing them at home is one thing, but this is too hard. _He could hear his parents getting up to leave, but opening his eyes when he heard a knock at the door.

"Hey man!" Turk yelled as he cheerfully stood in the doorway. "Just thought I'd give you the good news myself. Carla's going to come up in a bit with a wheelchair, take you to see your brother. I know that's what you've been waiting for." And with that, he hurried away about as fast as he breezed in.

Barbara turned to her son again quickly. Duncan put down his things. Dan closed his eyes and readied himself.

"You didn't tell me he was here!" She started yelling at him. "Why wouldn't you tell me he was here? You knew we drove all this way to see him. He's my son Daniel, you can't keep him away from me!"

"You kept him away on your own. He chooses not to come home because of you. He lives states away because of you. This is your fault. Don't blame me!"

"I'm going to find him." Turning to Duncan. "You. Stay here. I'll be back." She angrily spoke as she stomped out the door.

Duncan took a seat next to Dan's bed. His body had changed from irritated to flat out aggressive. And although Dan knew he'd never laid a hand on him, he'd laid too many hands on JD. He had a right to be scared of being in this room alone with him. Turning away as to not face him, he started to cry. _I tried little brother. I'm sorry that wasn't enough.  
_

* * *

She looked around for anyone who might be able to help her. Someone who looked busy and probably wouldn't even second-guess why she was asking about room numbers. "Hi Nurse…Carter is it?" as she read the woman's nametag. She looked new enough not to even be a full time nurse. _Intern maybe? _"I'm looking for John Dorian's room. Can you tell me where that is?"

Barbara was right; the nurse didn't even look up at her. "Right across from the nurses station ma'am." She point across the hall. "He's in pretty rough shape. I'm sorry."

* * *

Barbara stared in through the doorway at her youngest son. She'd been hoping to see him, that's why she'd driven all this way. Hesitating she tip toed through the door, and making sure no one was looking, she closed the door behind her. She wanted some time to herself.

It'd be a long time since she'd seen John. He didn't look much different. He'd always looked more innocent than Daniel, but she could be honest with herself and say that wasn't really true anymore. Dan was for the most part she thought, ha been completely unaware of what had been going on. _I bet you didn't even tell him up until recently. He seems more protective of you now.  
_  
Barbara sighed out loud. "What am I doing here son?" She took a step towards the bed. "I know that…I know you didn't ask me to come. I know you would've rather I not come at all. It's your life now. But I wanted to apologize." She'd practiced in her head the whole drive here. Although honestly she didn't think it'd be that hard, but it was probably easier knowing he couldn't hear her or talk back. "I wanted to say how sorry I was. I married the wrong man. Your real father, he took care of you. Duncan, he hurt you. And I let him. I shouldn't have let him. I feel guilty and horrible and know that I can never take back what I did to you." This wasn't the first time she'd had to look at her son in a hospital bed. It wasn't even the 2nd time. There had been so many occasions it was a wonder why this was even so difficult for her to look at any more. Her eyes kept darting to different parts of the room, only to drift back again.

* * *

Dr. Cox started making his rounds again. The on-call room had been empty, making it a somewhat decent sleep. He hadn't had to block out anyone trying to use it as a hook up closet. Some people preferred to go home and be called back if there was an emergency, and most of the time he would have to agree. But he didn't want to have a 20minute drive in between him and his patient should something happen. He'd deny it should anyone ask, but he cared for JD, and had spent time before he fell asleep trying to picture his life without the blasted puppy following him around all the time. He couldn't picture it, not even for a minute. He'd dumped the majority of his parents off in his interns, but kept the ones he knew they couldn't handle. Surprisingly he'd not been paged at all during his much needed rest, but he was sure it was because the nursing staff, mostly Carla, had threatened that he'd kill them should they dare wake him up. By this time he was sure the gossip of JD being here had worked it's way around the hospital.

Before he picked up his charts from the nurses desk, he just wanted to check on Joanna. Although he was sure nothing had changed, it hadn't been enough time; he just wanted to be certain. As he got closer to the room though, he could hear someone talking inside. He paused for a minute just outside the door, trying to figure out who it was and what they were saying.

* * *

"I couldn't have treated you worse. You're my son. How could I choose someone else over you? All those years you put up with Duncan; I'm to blame for those. You should never have felt the way I'm sure you do. Dan shouldn't be the one protecting you now; I should've been doing it all along. But honey, it's too late to take all that back now. Duncan would really like to see you. He's been in therapy. I think it's really been helping. I think you'd see it too. It'd be really great if you could just forgive him and we could all move on with our lives. You could come home for Christmas, or Thanksgiving. We could be a family again. Wouldn't you like that?" She could feel herself getting angry with him. "If you had just figured out how not to piss him off all the time, he wouldn't have had to do all those things to you."

* * *

He'd heard enough. Turning the door handle as quietly as possible, he pushed it open and stood just inside. Face angered. _How dare she._

"You just never could keep your mouth shut. You always had to push his buttons…"

"What the hell are you doing in here?"

Barbara jumped. She hadn't heard anyone else come in the room. She turned to see Dr. Cox standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry. I just…"

"You just what? Wanted to hurt him some more?" He snarled. "Get out."

"Listen here, he's my son and I don't think you have any right…"

Dr. Cox walked up to her. Inches from her face he started yelling. "No. You listen here! You threw this kid away and he came here. We're the ones looking out for him. You have no right to be in here. You know he doesn't, and wouldn't want you here. So you need to go pick up that piece of trash you call a husband, and go home."

Barbara stared at him with tears in her eyes. _Maybe he's right. _She looked down at her son once more, letting go of his hand, and began to walk away.

Cox didn't take his eyes off her as she started to walk away. At least not until his stare was interrupted by a very quiet groaning sound. He looked away from the putrid woman and saw JD's eyes start to flutter. Ventilator still in, he knew what had to happen. "Hey Newbie?" He cleared his throat from the shock of his protege awakening. "Hey JD? It's time to wake up sleeping beauty."

JD groaned. His eyes felt like cement. He could hear the murmuring of someone talking, but couldn't really make out what they were saying. He was having a hard time getting any air into his lungs. The air kept getting caught in his chest on the way down. Trying to blink, panic was setting in. Why was his throat so dry? He tried lifting his head to no avail. His mind felt fuzzy like it was filled with cotton candy. Finally his eyes opened just enough to see a blurry face staring down at him.

Dr. Cox hit the nurse's page button above the bed. He knew it wouldn't take long for one of them to show up. "It's too early for this kid. You should still be sleeping." He grabbed both side of JD's face gently. The neck brace was doing a fine job holding his head, but he didn't want him to panic. He watched as JD's eyes flickered open and closed a few times as they tried to focus. Even once they remained open, they were blank and groggy. "Listen. JD. I need you to focus on me okay?" He pushed his forehead against his. "I need you to look at me."

The voices were becoming clearer. _Was that doctor Cox? _His eyes closed and he forced them back open again. Things were a bit clearer this time. So he tried again. Third times a charm, above him was, yes, Dr. Cox. His eyes darted around confused. He was still having a hard time receiving any air. He wanted nothing more than to suck in fresh oxygen and be able to move his body.

"I know you know the drill Newbie. On the count of three, cough, and I promise it'll make this process a whole lot easier. Just for the love of god stop panicking." He backed his face away and grabbed the tube. Hoping this was the right choice even though it was early he counted "One. Two. Three."


	11. Chapter 11

JD tried to cough, even though nothing would come out. It was like his throat wasn't working properly._ Why can't I move my head? What's wrong with me? Why am I laying down?_

Dr. Cox could see it in his eyes. Panic was setting in, and quickly. "Come on Jasmine. Just one cough." He held the side of JD's face gently with one hand. It was breaking his heart staring at him like this. Tears were forming in JD's eyes and he needed to do this now before bigger problems arose. He could see JD's monitors rising in numbers too quickly.

JD tried to cough again, but he was just so tired. And then he felt it, something pulling upward from inside his chest. Squeezing his eyes shut he choked on air until he felt the pressure release. He tried to move his arms, to gather his thoughts, inventory himself, but his arms felt tied down. His eyes darted around the room, he noticed someone else standing behind Dr. Cox, but didn't pay too much attention. He looked towards his mentor for information.

Dr. Cox looked down at his patient. Although no one in the hospital would assume he was good with patients, he knew differently, and that's why he was the best doctor his this hellhole. "I'm going to ask you a couple questions Newbie, and as hard as this might be for you, I don't want you to talk." He took JD's hand in his own. "Just squeeze my hand if you know the answer. Okay?"

JD just stared at him. The cloudiness was dissipating, but in return all he got was pain. He let out a low groan and squeezed his eyes shut again.

"I'll try and make it fast okay? Then I'll give you some of that morphine that you girls love so much." He squeezed JD's hand gently to make sure he had his attention. Once JD's eyes opened to look at him, he started. "Do you know what your name is?"

_Do I know what my name is? Why kind of question is that?_ He stared at Cox like he was an alien.

"I didn't say the questions would be hard, I just need you to answer them." He sighed. "Now do you know what your name is?"

JD blinked like he understood the question, but trying to squeeze Doctor Cox's hand was another question. Trying to make his fingers work was making his brain hurt.

When JD didn't squeeze back right away, he wouldn't lie to himself, his gut churned like no other instance he could remember in his adult years. It was already going to take weeks of physical therapy to get JD back to his former self; he didn't want to imagine anything worse than that. Which is why he was so happy when he felt the slightest twitch of JD's fingers in his hand. "That's it kid, just a little more. You got this."

He had tried so hard, but even with Dr. Cox's encouraging he couldn't get any further, he was just so tired. Everything felt like an elephant was sitting on his chest. But seeing Dr. Cox actually happy about something, he had to try a second time. He concentrated hard, and managed to move 3 of his fingers and curl them around Cox's hand.

"Alright. Good. Good." He took his eyes away from JD's fingers. He needed to watch his face for this question. "Do you remember how you got here?" His other hand rested on JD's shoulder on the other side of the neck brace. At any point of this kid's life did he need personal comfort, now was probably the time.

He stared up at Dr. Cox, and then turned his attention to the ceiling. _How did I get here? _He looked around the room like he'd never seen it before. _But that isn't true is it? Just never from this point of view. _

Dr. Cox snapped his fingers as he saw JD's eyes close. "Hey. No sleeping. Not yet." He moved his head completely into JD's eye line, making sure he was the only thing visible. "Do you remember how you got here?"

JD blinked a few times. _I was in the car. No, I was on the sidewalk and then I got into the car? Something about a car? This should be an easier question. Why can't I remember? Is there something wrong with me? What's wrong with me? _He started to panic and felt his chest get tight. He tried to speak but nothing came out, and opening his mouth was just painful on his throat.

It was killing him. It was literally killing little pieces of him to see JD like this. He hesitated, but then ran his finger light touch through JD's hair. Something about it seemed right at the time. Maybe it was simply because it wasn't styled up that it was easier to comfort him. "Stop. Come on. Don't do this to yourself. If you don't remember you don't remember." He turned to the table next to the bed and poured a glass of water topping it off with a straw. JD looked like some sort of wild animal, lost about in pieces of things he couldn't quite get a grasp on. "Here, drink some of this will you. We both know it'll help."  
JD turned his eyes to face him. Unable to move his head or his body, he couldn't do much other than open his mouth. His throat was so dry it felt like the desert. Watching as doctor Cox bent the straw down into his mouth, he took a few sips.

"Easy there princess. I can't have you throwing up while laying down." He lifted back the straw a little. But seeing the satisfaction it gave JD, he let him have a few more sips before returning it to the table.

JD closed his eyes; he was so tired that drinking water was too much effort. He tried again to talk. This time it was partially successful with a small noise. A soft clearing of the throat and he managed to get out a simple "Whahappen?"

Dr. Cox sighed. _Why is it taking so long for the nurses to get here? _He grabbed JD's chart, but not because he needed to know what was wrong with him, he'd read it over 100 times by now. Memorized every broken bone, every scar that would form later. He just needed something to hold onto while he talked. While he told him what he knew he wouldn't want to hear.

JD stared at him for a long time. Squinting his eyes through the pain that was forming all over his body. "Please" he said. Although he wasn't sure it actually came out as any words at all.

Cox couldn't do it. He couldn't tell him right now. He put the chart back down on the table. He touched JD's hand again. "I'm going to just do a basic test and you blink if you can feel it okay?" He moved towards the end of the bed touching JD's toes gently and moving them up and down slowly. "Can you feel this?" He swore he could feel his heart pause in yes chest. But then he saw it, the blink. "And what about this?" He moved his hands towards his middle shin. Another blink. But before he could move his hands anywhere else, Barbara moved closer to the bed. He'd forgotten all about her being in the room.

"JD. I'm so sorry."

_What? Who was that? Why do they sound so familiar? _JD looked towards his side. He could not, and would not believe his eyes. Fear devoured him all at once. Memories flashed before him behind his eyes. _I'm here because of her aren't I. I'm here because of her and her husband. _Not even able to think his name, JD surged through the pain. Desperate to get away from her his arms started thrashing about on the bed trying to hard to escape any of his bonds. "Help me. Please help me."

* * *

Carla had been watching outside the door, she knew Dr. Cox had it under control, and as desperate as she was to see Bambi, Dr. Cox needed those moments more. She didn't want to overwhelm JD, and she knew after this Dr. Cox would be lucky to get any alone time with him. Turk wasn't going to leave his side, or Dan. _I should go tell Dan. _Before she could turn, she heard the warning alarms.

* * *

"You need to leave!" Dr. Cox turned to Barbara as he held JD's arms in place. "JD please stop moving." The kid was thrashing so badly he was afraid he'd damage any progress they'd made medically. Firm grips on his wrist weren't helping. _Different approach. Try something else. _Just then he saw Carla rush into the room with a needle in hand. _A sedative. _"Wait. Carla just wait a second. Explain it to him first. Explain what you're doing and why."

Carla stared at Dr. Cox like he was insane. "I'm sorry?" She looked momentarily at JD; he was going to tire himself out if they didn't sedate him. Looking back at Dr. Cox, he had a face that told her he was being serious.

"Explain it to him first and then just do it. It's only going to scare him more otherwise."

She turned to face JD and gently touched his face.

JD tried to turn away at first, but he was able to. The touch was soft though, not like what his mind kept flashing back to. He turned to look at her and the trashing lessened.

"Hey Bambi. It's good to see you again." She could see the tears in his eyes; a couple of them had fallen down the side of his face. "I'm going to give you something to go to sleep okay? You're moving around too much and you're going to hurt yourself."

He tried to say no, but he knew he was tired. _You're a doctor; you'd do the same thing. Think logically here. You're clearly not a child; Carla and Dr. Cox are here. But, mom is here too. Does that mean __he__ is here too? _He looked up at Carla, fear was apparent.

"One of us will stay here with you okay?" She watched his eyes close for a moment. When they reopened some of the fear was gone and he'd mostly stopped moving. His levels were going down to somewhat normal responses. She stuck in the sedative in and held his hand. Squeezing just gently enough not to hurt him, but enough to let him know she wasn't going anywhere.

Dr. Cox let go of JD and turned his full attention towards Barbara. "You. Need. To. Leave. You are not allowed in this room, you hear me?"

She stood shell-shocked a few steps back from the bed. She didn't know JD would react like that, but instead of feeling sorry for her son, anger was setting in. How dare he.


End file.
